Our ER has a special place for the party people in da house. It's the drunk hall. Forrest Gump's line of "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gunna get" totally describes it perfectly. Work is nothing less than an adventure when you're working that assignment.
On one particular night I was greeted by some very happy EMTs. "What are you'll smiling at", I asked.
"You'll see", they replied.
"Can you give me a hint", I ask.
"Drunken stripper", the respond while laughing.
As I walk down the hall to meet Jane Doe Drunken Stripper, she hops off the stretcher naked as the day she came into this world and sacheyed over to another stretcher and began her bump and grind. Wow, the boys who dropped her off weren't kidding, this chic had moves.
A very nice security guard looked at me while he was putting on his gloves and says, " I guess we won't be fighting this one to get her cloths off." When folks come back to the drunk hall we change them into gowns, so if they try to wander out the door they can be easily identified. This practice also helps us reduces the fragrence in the ER.
We start to approach our naked patient. She takes a look at the security guard and turns her attention to him. He's a big guy and hard to miss. As she begins her floor routine a crowd of young surgical inters find themselves captive behind her, they look scared, they didn't know where to go, so they just froze. Stripper lady continued shaking her money maker and then did something that stunned everyone, a gymnast type move, she stretched her leg straight up to the side of her head, the poor residents looked mortified. I was a little jealous I couldn't do that myself after years of yoga, and the security guard just shook his head uttering, "I didn't need to see that".
We managed to get her into gown number 1 out of 8 for the night, and she was moved back to the stretcher.
Throughout the evening she would get her gown off and then slide herself off the stretcher and start her routine. At one point she started a lap dance on a sleeping orderly, which woke him up real quick with the look of panic on his face. There were other times when her stretcher was her stage and she was dancing on top of it and asking for money.
A few hours into her stay she was becoming more lucid. When I asked her what her name was she gave me I can only assume was a stage name.
Eventually an older man showed up, saying he had called the ambulance for her. She worked in his strip club. He had recently demoted her from a dancer to a bar tender because of her age, because she had turned 50. I asked him if she was depressed about turning 50, he said, " No, she's pissed at me because I don't want her dancing anymore, I thought I was doing her a favor".
The gentleman was kind enough to leave contact information so she had a ride home after she woke up.
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